Introducing My “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” Trio

I just got back from Provence, where I did some serious drunk-cycling in the French countryside. The lushness, the smell of lavender and herbs, the olives, the grape vines, the rolling terrine were all gorgeous… what really grabbed me was the peace and expansiveness of the desolate Carmargue region.

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I have always been drawn to “off the beaten path” destinations. I love the desert. I had most fun in some remote areas in Tibet, the lava plane in Iceland, and the hiking trails of the Patagonia. I love the adventure and the exploration – and I want to integrate this feeling into my business. I want to “make art have fun” everyday, and I want to bring this sense of discovery and adventure to my peeps – you.

When I returned home from my trip, I got into this “stuck” place. I KNOW, deep down, that I want to craft a unique business that is a full expression of me. I want to achieve fulfillment and personal growth through my work. However, when I woke up at 4am (thank you jet lag) and couldn’t fall asleep, my head started churning and I got into judgment and criticism my choices. All the what-if’s and second guessing flooded my mind, and I lost my drive to create something unique, different and “ME”.

Thank goodness, I was able to place an SOS call with my coach pronto. She worked the magic and we had one of those “smack my mindset in the head” “half a box of tissue required” kind of session.

Although I always have a streak to be different (I have a nose ring, 6 ear piercing and I used to dye my hair firey red), conventional definitions of “success” and “how things should be done” are deeply engrained in me. I got into the “stuck” place because my desire to “make art have fun” has been judged by many old programmings – limiting beliefs that fueled the “itty bitty shitty committee” in my head to tell me I can’t have a business that is a full expression of me, that is so fun to run, and  I can actually make a load of money to live day-in-day-out in an inspired and exciting place.

My coach asked me to identify the “block” – the voice from a younger version of me and give her a face. Then take her out of my body and give it a visual representation so I can recognize that the voice is just part of me, not “ME”. By taking the voice out of me, I am able to “communicate” with her, see what she wants and show her evidence and reassurance that we don’t have to follow the old programming to be “safe”.

We are OK. We are not screwed… see, I am still here!

I followed through with the exercise (my homework!) and made a drawing of not just one, but three, of those voices – old programming and limiting beliefs acquired at different points in my life. It is totally raw, posting it here makes me feel very vulnerable. But I want to share with you where I am, and hopefully get you also to take on this exploration with me and have a hard look at how you are holding YOU back.

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